too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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