oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize