first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
