We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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