So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he puts the penis in happiness.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
