I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
