i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
