Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
