That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
