Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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