It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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