he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
