there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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