and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
