I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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