woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
