Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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