im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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