How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
