Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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