I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
