I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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