I think I am morally bankrupt
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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