Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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