I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
