I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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