ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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