So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
