got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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