I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
