Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
