I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
