real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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