party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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