i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
