I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
