I'm really into asian looking animals
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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