soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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