I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
