They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
