Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize