just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
