I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
