I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
