watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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