i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
