can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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