Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
