bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He has the fingertips of a God
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
