In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
