Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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