I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
