$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
