i need an iv and a liver transplant
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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