please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize