You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
