Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
