I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
