Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
