I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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