i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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