i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
