I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
