so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
