He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
