So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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