dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
