I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
