After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
