it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
