The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
