you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
