I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
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