it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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