sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
