yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
