AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
