Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
