I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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