Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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