When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
