Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
