I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
