hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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