I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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