he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
