hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
