Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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