I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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