Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize