I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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