girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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