Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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