Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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