Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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