just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she peed on how many people?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
