I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize