And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
