It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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