I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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