"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
