On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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