she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
