Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
